


Let me lose you like I found you

by allsoulsnight



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Smut, I have a lot of feelings okay?, I know you have them too!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:46:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24314506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allsoulsnight/pseuds/allsoulsnight
Summary: After finding Dasha in Barcelona, Eve returns to her Hotel room before her train back to London in the morning. She wasn't expecting to find someone waiting for her.
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 37
Kudos: 397





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Canon compliant (with some liberties of course) to Season 3 Episode 6.
> 
> Let's just believe that the scene where Eve visited and let Niko go happened before she left for Barcelona, okay?

“Oh, I can’t believe the time has come. What can I do? There’s no place to run. Hold me close, it’s not so much to ask. Let me forget tonight might be our last. If it’s the last time, let me wrap my love around you, let me lose you like I found you.”

The Last Time - Agnetha Faltskog

The thought of countless strangers using the same amenities used to repulse Eve. She was quickly discovering that it didn’t anymore. Quite the opposite, in fact.

She welcomed the notion of someone else turning the handle of the hotel room as she did now. Perhaps instead of Eve, it was an entrepreneur on a simple business trip or a writer on a weekend sabbatical. If only that were the case. If only the disparaged woman that stood in the doorway now could absorb even an ounce of the normalcy they had, her life wouldn’t feel like it was falling apart at the seams.

If this were the case, as a jacket shrugged off tired shoulders and the light clicked on, the presence of someone else in the seemingly empty room would alarm them.

Funny how, for Eve, it was almost expected.

“What are you doing here?” Eve asked, her familiar defenses immediately sliding up and at the ready. When the figure didn’t respond, Eve really took in the sight of Villanelle sitting on the armchair in the corner of the room.

Her golden hair hung loose over her shoulders haphazardly and she was wearing a black tank top. Part of her upper arm was wrapped in white gauze, a deep crimson stain beginning to show through the front, and her shoulders were uncharacteristically drooped. Villanelle’s eyes were distant and swollen, she looked tired.

Eve spoke again, softer this time. “What are you doing here?”

“I have to let you go.” Her voice was firm.

“What?” Eve didn’t understand what she meant.

“I have to leave everything behind.” Villanelle tried control her tone, but Eve could see that her hand was trembling. “Including you.” Her eyes averted after a moment; she was unable to look Eve in the eye. Her tears welled but she tried in vain to blink them back.

Eve stepped into the room, closer now, Villanelle still didn’t look. “Why do have to leave everything…” Eve started as she tried put the puzzle pieces together. “Does this have to do with you moving up in the Twelve?” She asked, an attempt to decode Dasha’s warning.

Villanelle sighed and shook her head.

“Then why do you have to…” She started, then the last piece clicked. “You’re running away from them.” She understood now. “Why would you do that?” A million scenarios cascaded over her; all of them horrible. “What if they find you? You know they have eyes everywhere. You can’t possibly think—”

“Eve…” Villanelle willed her to stop. _Don’t make this more difficult than it already is._

“Why did you come here?” Eve spat out, her words felt like poison in an already gaping wound.

In truth, she really shouldn’t have. Her resolve concerning Eve faltered by itself, when she was around the scales always tipped in her favor. Villanelle shook her head. “I shouldn’t have.”

Eve stepped forward and Villanelle reluctantly met Eve’s gaze. “Then why did you?”

Villanelle just stood and stared back with wide eyes. _You know why, Eve. Please… After all of this you must know why._ “What do you want from me, Eve?” Her voice echoed like a memory, except there was no child’s toy looking back this time with no answer in hollow black eyes. This time it was Villanelle asking the question directly to Eve. She remembered everything about them in a clarity that she didn’t have before. How could Eve decipher her feelings now if she couldn’t do it alone? All she had was her instinct in this moment and the pull she felt from an invisible tie anchored to the woman in front of her.

“Everything.” Eve answered, this was her choice. Her heart, blackened by the past, was in her hands. “I want everything.”

Villanelle blinked and her mouth opened slightly, breathing in a shallow breath. “I can’t give that to you.”

Eve cupped her face with her hand as she had done only once before. Her thumb brushed away a tear that had fallen and effectively betrayed Villanelle. Her lips kissed the spot where it fell for only a moment. When she leaned back, Villanelle reached up to cover Eve’s hand with her own. _Don’t do this. Leave her. Leave her now._ She paused for only a moment before she leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to Eve’s palm, lowering her hand and walking past her. “I’m sorry, Eve.” She whispered as she brushed past her.

Eve couldn’t just let her leave like this. Not when there was so much left unsaid.

“I know it wasn’t you who hurt Niko.” Eve suddenly blurted out, trying to stop Villanelle in her tracks.

Villanelle paused and half turned to Eve. “What are you talking about?” Her brow furrowed and that was all the reassurance Eve needed. She didn’t know.

“Someone tried to kill Niko on a farm in Poland last week.” The words came pouring out. “He went home to Poland after we separated. I got a message from him saying that he wanted to fix things so I went to him. When I got there..” She explained, instinctively reaching up to touch her neck with her left hand. “They stabbed him through the neck with a pitchfork and left a note in your handwriting.” It felt weird saying it outloud since the memory had been permanently burned into her mind since it happened.

Villanelle turned completely to Eve; concern laced her words. “Tried to? He’s alive?”

Eve nodded but then lowered her hand from her neck, the wedding ring still on her finger felt as if it would singe her skin at any moment. “He’s recovering in London.”

Villanelle nodded her head. Her expression read somewhere between impressed, disappointed, and relieved. _Even if he ends up being a mute for the rest of his life, at least someone will be there for her_ , Villanelle thought.

“I knew you wouldn’t have hurt him.” Eve repeated and then added, “That’s why I’m here in Barcelona. I connected an old kill and found Dasha. I believed she was running you out of here.”

“Of course you found Dasha...” Villanelle breathed with a smile at Eve, she was always either a step behind or leaps and bounds ahead. She missed this. The familiar string pulled in her chest and she immediately knew that the scales were tipping too far. “Go back to London.” Villanelle balled her hands into fists, willing her feet to move, to turn herself around.

“Something is different about you.” Eve stepped forward towards Villanelle. “What happened?” She looked down at her bandaged arm.

“It’s nothing.”

“You’re hurt.”

“Someone did stab me, yes.” Villanelle offered and winced as she moved her arm a little. “But I’ve had worse.” She let out a shuttered breath at her attempt to be lighter. The words just settled in her chest along with the remembrance that accompanied. 

_Leave, Villanelle. Go._

After a moment she took in a breath, “I have to go.” She turned away finally and walked to the door of the room and grabbed the handle.

“Villanelle.”

_Don’t turn around._

She paused.

_Don’t turn around._

But she did.

Eve closed the distance between them and wrapped her hands around Villanelle’s shoulders, pulling her into a tight hug.

The scales shattered under her touch and Villanelle closed her eyes, lowering her head onto Eve’s shoulder. A sob found its way out of her throat as the tears she held back now fell in spades. Villanelle brought her arms around Eve’s back and held on for dear life.

“This can’t be the last time.” Eve whispered into her shoulder. 

“I’m sorry.” Was all Villanelle could muster as the sobs wracked her body. She’d never felt catharsis quite like this. She felt everything at once: terror, uncertainty, regret, longing, love, understanding, relief. It was as if someone unleashed a tempest inside of her chest which would surely collapse from the weight of it all.

Eve simply held her, tears of her own fell down her cheeks as she stroked Villanelle’s hair and pressed her cheek against Villanelle’s. When her sobs subsided, Eve tilted Villanelle’s chin up so she could look at her again. “Take me with you.” She whispered. 

It took Villanelle by surprise. “What?” She said processing the request. The look in Eve’s eyes was earnest, determined even. _Are you serious?_ Her eyes said.

Then, without another word, Eve reached up and pulled at her hair tie. She tossed it away, letting her wild curls fall.

 _Wear it down…_

For the first time Eve was choosing her over everything else.

Villanelle leaned forward and kissed her. This time Eve’s eyes did close as the arms that once pinned her down only held her closer. When Villanelle pulled away not a moment later, Eve grabbed her and caught her lips in another kiss. It was fathoms deeper than the first, a small exhale leaving her throat as Villanelle’s back hit the door.

Eve’s hand trailed from her hair, tracing down her neck, and finding its home placed gently over her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! 
> 
> This is just something I wrote up quickly to help me cope with the anxieties I'm feeling while waiting for the second to last episode of season 3 (I can't deal). Rated M because I'm currently attempting a second chapter to this but I'm unsure yet if my muse will grant me the strength and style to write the next big step we'd all love them to take with all of the accuracy and finesse it deserves. Wish me luck!
> 
> Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think and/or find me on tumblr: allsoulsnight!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of the same evening.

That’s when the urgency began to settle and Eve’s intrusive thoughts matched her fervor.

Running away, it would be dangerous. There was no guarantee that they could elude the veiled presence of The Twelve, let alone MI6 as well. If they ran, from the first step out of this room, targets would be on their backs. The danger here, however, was that Eve simply didn’t care anymore.

After Kenny, after Niko, after… Well, after all this time, Eve’s determination had grown darker and her self-control long swept away with the tide. If someone were to succeed in killing Eve, for the second time, so be it. She would die a million deaths if it meant she could forever have this moment and Villanelle’s delicate heart protected in her embrace.

“Villanelle…” Eve whispered again into the skin of her neck before kissing down to her pulse point. She could wait no longer. “Touch me…” It sent chills down Villanelle’s spine.

How could it be denied?

Deft hands found the bottom of Eve’s shirt and began pulling it up, their kiss only breaking as they fumbled to get the tight turtleneck off. Sleeves peeled away from Eve’s arms, but the narrow neckline refused to push past unruly waves. Both women breathlessly laughed when the shirt finally cleared Eve’s hair, shooting away like an arrow from a bow. Their lips met again as Eve reached behind her back to unhook the clasps of her bra with no hesitation. Villanelle pulled the straps down slowly and leaned back, her eyes lingering on Eve’s skin. Hands traced along her collarbone and over her bare shoulders, memorizing every detail. Villanelle’s hands stopped immediately in their tracks when she brushed against a raised ridge off center of Eve’s left shoulder.

Harm was something Villanelle was used to. For years she embraced how it flowed from her with style, fundamental to the core of her being.

At least it was.  _ Was. _

As she pulled back and gently turned Eve around, Villanelle wrapped an arm around her chest and brushed her fingertip down the scar. She’d never had her destruction on display before in this way. Now with the beautiful aftermath staring her in the face, all she wanted to do was heal. Villanelle leaned forward and pressed her lips to the scar, a silent plea of understanding.

Eve trembled as an emotional release of her own escaped with a broken exhale. Her eyes closed shut as she leaned back into Villanelle. Her left hand reached back and brushed Villanelle’s stomach where evidence of her own harmful nature was, too, forever engrained on skin.

_ “Like us, you mean.” _

Both were hurting. Both healing. Both marred by the past—by the love for each other. A mirage of memories sent them quickly to Paris, Rome, London, Amsterdam, Berlin…To apartments and bathrooms and buses and everything in between. It wasn’t so hard to acknowledge the truth now.

_ “We are the same.” _

Nothing could separate them now. The ties had forever tightened, solidifying from simple string to rough, uncut diamond; brilliantly binding, beautiful and unbreakable.

Eve turned in Villanelle’s arms and layers of clothing then began to fall at their feet. They were blooming under each other’s touch, beautiful flowers whose petals unfurled revealing all that was left still unknown to one another. The pain in Villanelle’s arm lost in the rising feelings in the pit of her stomach, her body becoming numb to anything but Eve’s touch.

Villanelle moved them back into the room, sat back on the bed, and pulled Eve forward onto her lap. Her face buried in Eve’s chest, lavishing her breasts with kisses and deliberate strokes of her tongue. All Eve could do was hold on, running her hands through Villanelle’s hair as waves of pleasure cascaded over her.

All too quickly, Villanelle was miles away from her lips. Eve pulled her up and found her lips again, her tongue delicately searching for Villanelle’s. When hands trailed down her lower back and grabbed her ass, Eve’s hips rolled into the touch.

None of Eve’s lovers had ever made her feel this way. Every nerve stood on end, awaiting, anticipating Villanelle. Each caress like the crackle of electricity, warm and sharp, buzzing through her. She never felt so…alive, so…strong! Eve could endure anything now it seemed. Yet also, the featherlight touch now tracing along her inner thigh felt as if it also could crumble her to the ground willingly at any moment. Eve imagined herself in picturesque ruins at Villanelle’s feet. Not the broken rocks of Rome, but instead that of a woman on her knees praying desperately in reverence.

When fingers met the slick heat between her thighs, Eve’s head fell back as a soft moan escaped her lips.

The sound was ethereal. Villanelle’s eyes slipped shut as she stroked her again, finding her, drawing the pleasure out of her effortlessly. Eve’s sighs were a luxury Villanelle didn’t know she could afford. She wanted to drape them over her body and wear them like expensive silk.

When two fingers teased her entrance, Eve’s breath caught in her throat and her legs spread wider to welcome them inside. Hands tightened in golden hair and an appreciative hiss filled the room.

No matter what Eve did, they were never close enough. Even as her hips rocked against Villanelle’s hand, she needed to be closer. Her lips parted and trailed down Villanelle’s neck, her tongue relished the taste of salt and skin. A hand reached down to find purchase between Villanelle’s legs, but a strong arm held too tightly to Eve’s middle to allow it.

“Please…” Eve pleaded as those two fingers inside of her curled forward and a thumb circled again. “I-I need to touch you, too.” She exhaled brokenly.

Villanelle released her anchoring grip as Eve pushed her back down onto the bed. Eve’s knee pushed Villanelle’s leg out to the side as her hand trailed down her abdomen. She bit her lip when Eve’s fingers slipped into her folds and circled her once, twice, and then again, and again in small motions. She exhaled through her nose as her eyes slipped shut, willing her fingers to keep moving inside of Eve.

It was hard to focus as they continued in tandem, a dance both messy and perfect. Hands slipped and teeth knocked accidentally as they tried desperately to close what space was left between them.

And then Eve was tumbling off the edge first. She cried out into Villanelle’s lips, her eyes shut so hard that she saw static. Her hips bucked forward as she clenched around Villanelle’s fingers, riding out the waves of pleasure as a thumb continued to circle.

“Eve…” Villanelle breathed. When Eve opened her eyes, Villanelle stared back with a wondrous look in her eyes, like someone seeing the northern lights for the first time. She circled her thumb over her once more, earning a shudder and an exhale from Eve.

The corners of her mouth tilt upwards into a sultry smile and without hesitation, she pulled Villanelle’s fingers from inside of her. Bringing wet fingertips to her lips, she placed a gentle kiss to each one and licked the digits slowly once before guiding Villanelle’s hand to her own sex.

“Show me...” Eve’s dark eyes bore into Villanelle’s; it was an order. This side of Eve was new. Moving from the bed, Eve lowered herself down onto her knees on the ground and settled between Villanelle’s legs. She watched eagerly as Villanelle acquiesced by spreading her legs and rubbing tight circles around herself.

“I—” Villanelle began to speak but stopped when two fingers teased her entrance, coating themselves with her wetness. Eve gave a longing glance up for approval and then slid them in slowly. The hand between Villanelle’s legs began to circle faster and more deliberate as Eve began pumping her fingers.

Villanelle should have known by now not to underestimate Eve, but she still had. Nothing she could have done would have lessened the surprise of Eve kissing the top of Villanelle’s hand and moving it away.

She sucked in a breath as Eve’s fingers curled. “You really don’t—”

“It’s okay.” Eve quipped with a smile. “I know what I’m doing.”

When Eve’s tongue met her sex, Eve… Eve really did. Villanelle’s brow furrowed tightly as her entire body tensed, jolting at each gentle stroke of her tongue. Fingers grasped the soft sheets tightly as her hips canted upwards into Eve’s mouth.

“Eve!” It was a plea, the most honest sound to leave her lips in years. Villanelle’s breathing became erratic as the familiar tension built until its peak, a towering wave crashing over her. She lost control and a loud whimper ripped its way from her throat.

But Eve didn’t stop.

Destroying was something Eve was so used to. She’d shattered her life into fragments and walked atop the broken pieces. In this moment all she wanted now was to create; to reinvent herself with Villanelle’s labored breathing. With each stroke of her tongue and each thrust of her fingers, she composed a symphony. Faster and slower. Deeper and higher. The sounds echoed in her brain, driving her mad with desire. She lost herself in the rhythm of it all.

Eve decided. This would be her magnum opus.

She only stopped when Villanelle tugged tightly on her curls in an attempt to pry her away. When she finally looked up, Villanelle’s chest was heaving, and her legs were shaking. She removed her fingers slowly and crawled back up on top of Villanelle. Fresh tears had escaped from her eyes, but she wore a smile as she continued to catch her breath. Eve obviously had gotten carried away.

“I’m sorry…” Eve mumbled, placing her head on Villanelle’s chest in embarrassment. She couldn’t help the lazy smile of her own ghosting her lips.

“Eve.” Villanelle gave a faux condescending huff. “Did you really just…apologize?” Her voice deep as she tangled her fingers in Eve’s hair. She coaxed her up so that their eyes met again. “You would…”

“I promise I wasn’t trying to kill you…”

“Again.” She whispered and Eve gave a brilliant laugh. If you could bottle a sound, Villanelle would have. She wrapped her arms around Eve and turned them so that they lay side by side.

They stayed there for a few moments, simply breathing together, existing in each other’s arms.

“I want to take them down.” Eve suddenly whispered, her finger tracing along the delicate skin of Villanelle’s collarbone.

Of course, pillow talk for Eve would be as such.

“I don’t know how but I need to try.” Determination sparkled behind Eve’s dark eyes. “It’s all I have aside from you.”

The corners of her lips turned as Villanelle leaned forward and pressed her lips to Eve’s forehead. “I like the sound of that.”

“Dismantling a secret organization?”

“The part when you said I was yours…” She said in a lazy tone and a soft smile.

Eve closed her eyes for a moment, and she shook her head gently. “There has to be a way…”

“I think…” This was all new territory for her. Villanelle had only followed for so long, now Oksana had a voice to break the mold. What did she want? “It’s possible but it will be dangerous.”

“I know.” Eve said. Her tone further proved how absolved she was to that fact. 

“I can’t promise that I can protect you.”

“And I can?” Eve asked honestly. “I can’t even shoot a gun.”

“I could teach you.”

“You know what I mean.” Eve relaxed in Villanelle’s arms, her head resting on her chest. “Plus, your aim is terrible.” She joked as she stroked her hand down Villanelle’s side, there was no malice in her tone. “Carolyn was right. All I have is my intuition and my insane suggestions.”

“She said that?” Villanelle asked and she felt Eve nod against her chest. “She missed something, though.”

“What?”

“You also have a very nice body…”

“Piss off.” Eve laughed as she pulled away from Villanelle who pulled her right back in to a kiss. As she did, Eve became acutely aware of just how deliciously intimate this was.

Eve closed her eyes and sighed as Villanelle’s lips kissed down her neck. “God, this is just so…”

Villanelle gave a soft, “Hmm?”  _ Perfect? _

“Weird.”

Villanelle looked up. “Weird?”

“Yes!” She replied. “You don’t think so?”

Villanelle’s eyes darted around as her eyebrow scrunched, she was trying to understand. “No?” It was an expression that Eve had never witnessed before from Villanelle. It was cute. Eve wanted to kiss it off her, so she did.

“How many times have you imagined this?” Eve asked.

“Do you want an exact number?” Villanelle bit her lip and closed her eyes in thought. “308” She lied.

Eve gave a soft chuckle. “And was this anything like you expected?” Her tone was direct and inquisitive.

“No.” Villanelle replied honestly. “It was so much better.” She gently nipped at her pulse point and soothed it with her tongue.

It was cliché but Eve’s cheeks still flushed under her gaze. Within moments the flush began to take over her entire body. The feeling seemed to ebb and flow at will and the heat of a million suns couldn’t compare to it. It also didn’t hurt that Villanelle’s leg was wedged between her own.

“Did  _ you _ think about this?” Villanelle’s trademarked confidence back in her voice, but her soft eyes sang another tune as her hand began to draw lazy circles on Eve’s lower back.

“If you would have asked me earlier today, I would have said no.”

“Well judging by earlier  _ tonight _ ,” Her eyes darted down between them. “It may have crossed your mind.”

Eve rolled her eyes, but her face grew warm. How is it that Eve felt so young all of a sudden, so innocent? She was very far from it. They both were.

Villanelle pressed on. “How many times? More or less than ten? Tell me...”

“And give you the satisfaction?” Eve shook her head in amusement. “No thanks.”  _ She’s such a child. _

Villanelle rolled on top of Eve, navigating her knees between Eve’s legs. Gently she pushed them up and apart with the tops of her thighs. Eve gave a small gasp as her legs stretched and she was spread wide open. “Admit it, Eve… “

Eve’s legs wrapped around Villanelle’s hips at the memory of holding that plastic heart to her ear and the desperate half hour that followed. She immediately regretted it when Villanelle’s face lit up like a firework.

“Eve!”

“Don’t you start…”

“No?” Villanelle lowered her head and began kissing down the valley between Eve’s breasts. She moved to the left, ghosting her lips over her nipple. Eve took in a deep breath which pushed her chest up towards Villanelle’s lips. “Or, yes?” She asked, earning huff from beneath her. “You are giving me very mixed signals, Eve.”

“I’ll never tell you—” Eve began before her breath hitched, “-just what your voice does to me.”

“My voice?” Villanelle purred as she raked her nails along Eve’s sides. “Oh...” Her eyes gleamed as her dialect shifted to American, “Are you thinking of Billie?” Eve’s eyes slid shut as Villanelle’s fingers traced her glistening sex again. “No? Forse preferiresti un altro?” She said in Italian as she kissed her way down Eve’s stomach. “Et le français?” Two fingers slid inside gently.

“Fuck…” Eve murmured; she’d meant to keep that in her head.

Villanelle slipped her free arm underneath her leg and settled in close. “I will help you; you know.” She whispered into the sensitive skin of Eve’s inner thigh before raking her teeth against it.

“Help me?” Eve asked trying to follow the thought. She struggled for a moment to sit up on her elbow to look at Villanelle, the sight of the blonde between her legs alone made her arms weak.

“Take down The Twelve.” Villanelle said plainly in a soft voice. “Of course, I will help you.” At that her tongue swiped up Eve’s center, sending her thoughts into a tailspin. “But it will have to wait a night or two.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovely ones! I apologize for how long it took me to get this out to you all. Shortly before the finale of Season 3 aired, I'd recently returned to work and it has been very hectic say the least. Also with the current state of the world with the pandemic and the racial inequality that is still rampant in our society, I needed to shift my focus away from Killing Eve for a while. I'm back for now but please continue to keep fighting for what is right and please, please be kind to one another.
> 
> Dedicating this chapter to my two favorite ladies, you know who you are.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and let me know what you think! Find me and say hello on tumblr: allsoulsnight


End file.
